This weekend was pretty fun, but pretty lonely. That’s such a paradox, but here’s what happened. Everyone I know from UCSD left this weekend to go home except me. Jesse and Priscilla came to visit me on Friday night and stayed over until Saturday afternoon. On Friday night, we toured the campus, and we visited one of Priscilla’s friends. We ended up sleeping around 3AM, which is a record for me. On Saturday morning, I woke up at 8:30 AM and started studying and waiting for Jesse and Priscilla to wake up. Priscilla woke up a little after me, and Jesse woke up several hours later. I don’t know how he can sleep that much. We went to eat lunch; that’s how late he woke up. Then we went to the Price Center and bookstore, then visited another one of Priscilla’s friends. Then I took them to the bus stop, and we waited for the bus. When it came, I came to a sudden realization that I was completely by myself. Beth, Margie, Stephen, Wendy, Sharlene–all the UCSD people I know went home for the weekend. And I walked away from the bus stop feeling dazed and I stopped, looked back at the bus, and watched it disappear into the horizon. I came back to my room feeling sick ( I think I caught a cold), and I took a two-hour nap. I woke up, studied, called Jesse and Priscilla to see if they were safely back yet, watched some anime, ate yogurt and oatmeal for dinner, drank Snapple, studied some more, and chatted online.
I started chatting with Connie, my good yearbook buddy, and we complained to each other about life. Connie’s very good at comforting me. My mom also called me, and my grandma called me. So I know lots of people care about me. But then it was strange. I was just talking to Connie about how much I missed my friends, and suddenly I just broke into tears. I tried to stop, but I really couldn’t stop. Big, uncontrollable sobs. LARGE, FAT TEARS!!! I think actually seeing some of my friends and then watching them leave made me realize that we actually have separate lives now. And I can’t even talk to Judy, Wing, Rie, Cindy, Jean, Tiffany, Christina, Ruth, and everyone else. Some don’t go online that often, and some never answer their phone. So I just miss everyone so much. That was really the first time I actually started sobbing. I mean these past few weeks I’ve been away at home, I was kind of sad, but I didn’t cry that much until tonight. I’m sorry. I noticed that in all my recent xanga entries, I’ve been saying that I’ve been very depressed. I know I should just trust in the Lord, and everything will turn out all right. But still, I’m just hungering for friendship.