Today I drove to school all by myself!!!  Aren’t you proud of me?!!! 

Then I got sunburned.  My face is all red.  My arms are all red.  It’s gonna be painful tomorrow.

Anyway, I was thinking and getting kind of lonely.  I hate it when people cast me into a stereotype.  The stereotype of “that sweet, innocent, quiet girl.”  And then they don’t let me have the chance to talk.  If I say something, it’s like I’m not even there.  They don’t even hear me or they pretend not to hear me.  And it’s people who I know pretty well who cast me into that stereotype. 

Yes, I know that I’m quiet.  But I am also quite loud once you get to know me.  I’m shy, but I can be outgoing when I have to.  I might not like to speak up in front of people, but if you talk to me one on one, I WILL talk a lot.  I am filled with contradictions. 

I wish I could find that one person out there who will recognize that I am full of contrasts and contradictions and accept me for who I am without casting me into a stupid stereotype.

Where are you? Sometimes I want to scream out loud and hope that you’ll hear me and come find me. It really hurts sometimes. To wait, to not know. But I keep praying that God will grant me the patience to wait. To be still. To be content being lonely for now so that one day I will be ready for you.

But sometimes, I really wonder how long I’ll have to wait. When it seems as though everybody else in the world has somebody to cling onto, to hug, to share their secrets. I know that this is a bad reason to want you to hurry and come. But it gets so frustrating. To think that something is wrong with me because it seems like I’m the only one still waiting.

But I know that by waiting, I’m showing my devotion and my true love for you. And I know that it is God’s will for me to wait. To learn. To grow. God is teaching me to rely on Him first. Because I need to grow up and learn patience. Only then will God give me to you and you to me. We both need to grow.

Maybe if we knew each other right now, we would not be attracted to each other at all.

It’s not the right time. God knows what is best, but it’s so hard to just accept this. I want to know who you are. To know your name. To know your face. To learn about your likes and dislikes. I want to see your personality.

Someday. That’s my only answer.

I’m trying my best not to like any guy before you, but it’s so hard. I hope you don’t get mad at me for liking other guys before you. Because sometimes I just hope that you are one of those guys. But I know that you will be way more special than them. Because you will be mine. You will be God’s gift to me. And that’s the best of all.

I hope that you wait for me too. Please don’t get impatient. Please hold on and wait for me. I may not be there physically like other girls are, but I am out here. We’re sharing the same sky and watching the same sunset.

3 Comments Add yours

  1. sigh…I don’t know what to say….

  2. mechalance says:

    go go Christina! Greatgranddaddy will be behind you all the way! I’ll wait with you. =p

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