Christmas doesn’t feel like Christmas this year. 

Usually we spend Christmas with the whole family, which means lots of food, people, and noise.  We were supposed to go to my grandparents’ house this year.  We were all ready to leave, and then we couldn’t go anymore.  In an instant.  Because of THE ISSUE.  I can’t talk about it here because anybody could read it.  Anyway, due to a certain person that is the bane of my existence, we couldn’t go.

The thing that hurt the most was that my grandparents were all excited that we were gonna see them, and just like that, their excitement was dashed into disappointment.  They are old, and anytime might be the last time I can see them.  And we couldn’t go.  Another missed opportunity.  Crushed hopes. 

I guess because of this situation, I was angry at God and at a spiritual low.  My head kept thinking of “If only’s” and “I wish…” phrases.  If only…..then my life would be different.  If only I had an older brother, if only I weren’t the oldest, if only my parents were rich, if only……then I could have been a World Literature major, I could have done anything I wanted, I would be able to go anywhere I pleased. 

But then….

That’s life I suppose.  Not every ending is happy.  There’s more tragedy than joy in this world.  More missed opportunities than happy coincidences.  More often, life is a nightmare, not a fairy tale.  But it’s how we choose to deal with our circumstances that shapes the future.  Will we give in to Satan and allow our nightmares to continue to haunt us?  Or will we surrender to God and realize that only with His power will we be able to conquer our nightmares and claim victory in the end?

One Comment Add yours

  1. bingfyre says:

    😦
    but i still know that you still know, that despite the unhappiness and tragedy that pervades the world, you are blessed beyond measure.  if only your parents were poor and didn’t love you, if only you had no chance to even try to pursue what you wanted, if only you weren’t filled with the hope that is in you.  i think these “if onlys” would fill a much longer list 😀
    but yes…. sad… i hope something good (and ridiculously unforeseen) comes out of it!

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