I’ve been feeling kind of down recently, and I can’t really place my finger on the exact reason for it.  I guess it’s just numerous things that are going on in life–the whole growing up thing and watching friends drift apart and other friends suffering through trials in life.

I really don’t want to grow up.  But what I want is to prevent the inevitable.

Whenever I feel like crap, I dress up and put on makeup to make myself feel less crappy about myself.  I don’t really know why.  Maybe it gives me more confidence.

I think I have self-esteem issues.  I’m too self-conscious.  I always feel like I’m fat even though I’m average–I even calculated my BMI.  Seriously, I even lost 3 pounds from last week, and I still want to lose more.  I don’t know when or why this started.  I’m not anorexic or anything…but it feels like I’ve just always had issues with my weight.

I know that I need to be less selfish and less prideful.  I can’t be perfect, and I never will be able to be perfect.  I’m just me, saved by God’s grace alone.  The world does not revolve around me.

Sometimes I seriously think I’m bipolar.

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