I’ve been feeling kind of down recently, and I can’t really place my finger on the exact reason for it. I guess it’s just numerous things that are going on in life–the whole growing up thing and watching friends drift apart and other friends suffering through trials in life.
I really don’t want to grow up. But what I want is to prevent the inevitable.
Whenever I feel like crap, I dress up and put on makeup to make myself feel less crappy about myself. I don’t really know why. Maybe it gives me more confidence.
I think I have self-esteem issues. I’m too self-conscious. I always feel like I’m fat even though I’m average–I even calculated my BMI. Seriously, I even lost 3 pounds from last week, and I still want to lose more. I don’t know when or why this started. I’m not anorexic or anything…but it feels like I’ve just always had issues with my weight.
I know that I need to be less selfish and less prideful. I can’t be perfect, and I never will be able to be perfect. I’m just me, saved by God’s grace alone. The world does not revolve around me.
Sometimes I seriously think I’m bipolar.