Untold Tales by a Whimsical Wallflower

When I’m busy, I don’t really think or reflect on memories or get sentimental.

But for some reason, when I don’t want to study, and especially if I’m alone in my room with nothing to do, I’ll randomly start thinking about things that happened so long ago or people who I don’t usually talk to.

Yesterday was my last day of classes.  I had a final, and then I went home and hoped (in vain) to start studying for my bio finals next week.  BUT…since they aren’t until Wednesday and Thursday, I just did not feel like studying.

SO….I watched 2 versions of Pride and Prejudice with Lora.  We watched the 1940’s version, and then the BBC version (only we fast forwarded to the good parts and finished it in 3 hours).

Then I thought…ok, I REALLY need to start studying on Friday. 

But….today (which is Friday), I started studying for Mammalian Physiology, and then I stopped after 30 minutes because I was alone and started to think about random things.  Maybe because I don’t really want to study about metabolism or diabetes or the effects of insulin and glucagon.  Or maybe because studying about reproduction is just too much detail that I REALLY do not want to know.  Or maybe it was just because the stupid bird that made a nest outside my window was just getting on my nerves.

So instead, I thought about high school.  I thought about how innocent I used to be before college turned me into a cynical, sarcastic creature I no longer recognize.  I thought about YOU, and you, and you.  And you and your pet camel named Sam.  I thought about how I’m sitting here by myself on a Friday night while probably half of the world is out partying or on some date. 

I thought about how I really don’t want to graduate yet because I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what I’m going to do with myself or how I’m going to pay back those thousands of dollars in loans. 

And I thought about how I have been praying and feel like God hasn’t answered me yet, but maybe it’s because I haven’t been praying the right way. 

And then I thought, “Wow, I really worry WAY too much.”

And then I thought, “It seriously would be healthier for me if I just stuck to studying for finals.  Then I wouldn’t be worrying about all this stuff that I keep thinking about only when I don’t study.”

And then I thought, “I’m really weird.  I need to stop thinking.”

And then I thought, “But if I stopped thinking, I’d be dead.”

And then I wrote this entry and decided that I would attempt (key word: attempt) to study about chromosomal abnormalities and hermaphrodites once again.

This entry was completely pointless.  Or maybe the point is that I REALLY don’t feel like studying.

P.S.  Last week, I totally forgot that I was graduating.  I was reading the church bulletin about the graduation banquet and asked myself, “Do I know anyone graduating this year?  I don’t think so.”  And then 2 minutes later, I remembered that I’M graduating and that practically ALL my friends are graduating.  That is how excited I am about graduating.  >_<