When I’m busy, I don’t really think or reflect on memories or get sentimental.
But for some reason, when I don’t want to study, and especially if I’m alone in my room with nothing to do, I’ll randomly start thinking about things that happened so long ago or people who I don’t usually talk to.
Yesterday was my last day of classes. I had a final, and then I went home and hoped (in vain) to start studying for my bio finals next week. BUT…since they aren’t until Wednesday and Thursday, I just did not feel like studying.
SO….I watched 2 versions of Pride and Prejudice with Lora. We watched the 1940’s version, and then the BBC version (only we fast forwarded to the good parts and finished it in 3 hours).
Then I thought…ok, I REALLY need to start studying on Friday.
But….today (which is Friday), I started studying for Mammalian Physiology, and then I stopped after 30 minutes because I was alone and started to think about random things. Maybe because I don’t really want to study about metabolism or diabetes or the effects of insulin and glucagon. Or maybe because studying about reproduction is just too much detail that I REALLY do not want to know. Or maybe it was just because the stupid bird that made a nest outside my window was just getting on my nerves.
So instead, I thought about high school. I thought about how innocent I used to be before college turned me into a cynical, sarcastic creature I no longer recognize. I thought about YOU, and you, and you. And you and your pet camel named Sam. I thought about how I’m sitting here by myself on a Friday night while probably half of the world is out partying or on some date.
I thought about how I really don’t want to graduate yet because I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what I’m going to do with myself or how I’m going to pay back those thousands of dollars in loans.
And I thought about how I have been praying and feel like God hasn’t answered me yet, but maybe it’s because I haven’t been praying the right way.
And then I thought, “Wow, I really worry WAY too much.”
And then I thought, “It seriously would be healthier for me if I just stuck to studying for finals. Then I wouldn’t be worrying about all this stuff that I keep thinking about only when I don’t study.”
And then I thought, “I’m really weird. I need to stop thinking.”
And then I thought, “But if I stopped thinking, I’d be dead.”
And then I wrote this entry and decided that I would attempt (key word: attempt) to study about chromosomal abnormalities and hermaphrodites once again.
This entry was completely pointless. Or maybe the point is that I REALLY don’t feel like studying.
P.S. Last week, I totally forgot that I was graduating. I was reading the church bulletin about the graduation banquet and asked myself, “Do I know anyone graduating this year? I don’t think so.” And then 2 minutes later, I remembered that I’M graduating and that practically ALL my friends are graduating. That is how excited I am about graduating. >_<