I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I REALLY miss school. I don’t think I miss the schoolwork or the midterms or the blood, sweat, and tears of finals and papers and labs…ok, so maybe I don’t miss school that much.
But I do miss the feeling of knowing what I have to accomplish in order to go to the next step. And I do miss the people…hanging out, cooking, book shopping, complaining about school.
I feel like I’m in limbo stage right now. I have a job, but it’s only part time, and I realized that high school students are making more money that I am. So I want to find another job, but I don’t know if I’ll get one. And I need to take like 2 more classes at city college that are required to go to grad school, pharm school, and dental school. And I don’t know which school to go to–pharm, dental, grad? And I don’t have enough letters of recommendation because the professor I was counting on just won’t answer my e-mails, and I’ve sent him like TEN THOUSAND!!!!
ARGHHHHHH!!!!! I am so frustrated. I can’t sleep well because I’m so stressed out, and I wake up in the morning wanting to throw up because I have a nervous stomach. I wish I didn’t have to think about all of this. It’s so much more fun to just read books and forget about reality, or get lost in the fantasy world of the stories I like to write. But then once I’m done with all of that…reality hits me smack in the face again.
I know that I have to trust in God, no ifs, ands, or buts. BUT….to me there is a BUT. And I can’t help BUT to worry. I don’t want to worry…it’s the human in me. I am trying though, and I know that I don’t have the strength to not worry on my own.