Pondering upon Plans

Today, I read an inspiring blog post about making plans: http://www.gimmesomeoven.com/life/advice-for-single-people/

I’ve always been one to make plans in my head but never carry them through. Why not? Several reasons: laziness, fear, believing I have all the time in the world. I give myself excuses for not following through.

Recently, I’ve been feeling an inner disquiet. Not quite discontentment. I mean, I’m thankful for what I have—family, friends, a job. I lack nothing. It’s just…I feel like I’m just sitting back and not making my life totally worthwhile.

I want to do things, but I don’t. And that makes me frustrated with myself because I know it’s my own fault.

Fear can be paralyzing.

I don’t exactly hate my job, but I always wanted to write books and publish them. And I’ve been saying for years that I will, but I still haven’t. I keep saying it’s because I don’t have time or money. It’s like this endless loop. When I was in grad school, I said I would publish when I finished school and had more time. Now that I’m working, I say I will when I finish paying off my loans. Maybe in another year. Next year. It’s still not good enough. I haven’t had time to edit.

I want to visit places, but I don’t. I want to buy my own house, but I don’t. Because these are all things that I’d thought I would do when I got married, except that I’m not.

I want to have a big birthday bash, but I don’t. Because everyone is busy.

So this year, I’m going to do my best to stop playing the waiting game and to start doing things.

If I want to take a weekend trip to San Diego for my birthday, then that’s what I’m going to do, with friends or without. I’m going to do all the things I thought about doing when I went to college there but never ended up doing because I was always “too busy.”

If I want to travel to far off places, that’s what I’m going to do with my vacation time. If I want to publish my book, then I’m going to conquer this damned fear of mine and do it already!

And if I want to buy a house…well, I’ve gotta work on that one a little more. But I’m definitely going to buy one whether I remain single or not!

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