April 2019 Napowrimo Day 3

Day 3 of Napowrimo. Prompt is to write a story or action that unfolds over time. This one’s a little long because it got a little personal. Honestly, I’m a little petrified of posting it, but I am a believer in sharing my truth so others who might have a similar experience know they aren’t alone.

That little girl at 5
I loved her
She carried a blank canvas
Bold colors and spunk in her mind
She painted what she believed
Til they said she was good
but never good enough
She grew into her awkward phase
A teen with glasses and greasy skin
Funky hair
Overweight
They said she would never be
The main character in the stories she loved to read
And she believed
She would never be worthy
At 18 she decided to prove them wrong
Put in the miles and the hours
Shed 800 calories every day
They finally approved
Called her pretty
But that wasn’t good enough for her
She spent the next 10 years
Obsessed
Ate 2 apples a day and maybe a protein shake
Nothing else
If she felt tired it was her fault
She deserved to be punished
Because she wasn’t good enough
She would never be
The main character in the stories she loved to read
Her body at 30 something began to break
But it only meant
She wasn’t strong enough
She didn’t deserve rest
Her body didn’t deserve to break down
Because she wasn’t pretty enough yet
To be the main character in the stories she loved to read
What became of the little girl I loved?

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